Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
