He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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