no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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