The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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