I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
