I puked a lego.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
