He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
