my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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