i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
