I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize