ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
