that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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