Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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