I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
