Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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