OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
FUCK WHALES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
