I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
