I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
