I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
