I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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