u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
