If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
