I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My bed smells like the plague
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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