I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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