I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize