I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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