I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
