When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
