you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
