Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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