so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
