I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vagina is officially offended.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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