Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
