They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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