I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
