Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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