I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
