why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
