So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
