I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
