In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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