Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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