I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
