what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
