I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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