Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You took a bar mat shot.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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