Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
