finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
