my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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