you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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