Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
