woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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