I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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