do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wear drunk well.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
