My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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