doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
