i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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