I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
