you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
