it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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