I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Im part way to drunk.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Drunk is not a location!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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