There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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