fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Less talking, more tequila
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
