90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
