Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
