i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
